Catering...WTF | Chef Todd Annis

Episode 10: I am Scared | Chef Todd Annis

• Todd Annis • Season 1 • Episode 10

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Today's world is full of fearful, scary things.  In this episode, Chef Todd gets real as he talks about what makes him scared and how his fear of failure becomes his motivation for success.

Listen as Chef Todd tells tales of himself as a much younger chef and how those experiences and failures have made him the chef and leader he is today. 

Join him today for an introduction into the  world of events from a back of house, culinary and operations point of view.  

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Speaker 1:

Proceed with caution. This episode has a few"F" words. Discretion is advised. Welcome back to catering, WTF, episode 10. What makes you scared?

Speaker 2:

The catering WTF tonight's episode is called: I am scared. So now I'm going to unload a steaming pile of sh@t on you, because this is not a rant. This is not something that angers me about our industry or that is passionate for my industry. This is about me being scared. And it's about fear, right? With the situation going on in the world today. Uh, there's a lot of fear. So it means I have fear. So when the catering world right now, there's a lot to be fearful of. I've never been through this. No one has been through this. No caterer I've ever talked to has been like, Oh yeah, we've been through a pandemic. So we got this. We we've been through three and we're really good at it. Like none of this has happened. So there's a tremendous amount of fear out there. I have fear. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. And there's multiple different ideas and conflicts. And what do we do? And, and employees feeling one way, employees feeling the other way, staff that it's crazy. So this episode is about fear and it's going to turn into my personal fear and I'm going to be really deep and very introspective about me personally. So bear with me. I need to express this because I need to let this out. And I need to let other people know who are also very fearful and very scared about what's going on in the future. My personal fear, as we talk about some of the things I'm going to talk about tonight is failure. That's my personal fear. It was because of my childhood because of some of the things that I went through because of whatever it is. It's my personal fear, right? I do not want to be a failure. Number one, personal fear. I will lay in a bed of snakes. I will jump off a cliff and I will overcome those. Now I did that. I've done those things. I pushed myself to do fearful things. And some people say, Oh, they're, you know, you're a adrenaline junkie or whatever. Well, I've jumped off a cliff, but the reason I off that cliff wasn't because my fear of Heights, which I do have, I don't want to jump off something that's super high and I may be die. That's that's not what I want to do. But when I get up there to jump and I looked down and I'm like, Holy, this is far. And I'm scared. The next thing that kicks in is you're a failure. If you don't jump my fear of failure overcomes my fear of Heights. So I now know what my personal motivation is and its failure. So I jumped off that Clift and I was very proud of myself for doing that because I overcame the fear of Heights. No I didn't. I overcame the fear of failure. I overcame the fear of setting your goal to do something and then following through and doing it. That's the fear of failure. It's not the fear of Heights. And so that's what I'm looking for. And now in this age that we have now, and this year, it's been super crazy. Now we're going into the end of COVID or, or what most people are saying in the end of COVID, right? So we've had a, super year and catering and in restaurants and in hospitality, nothing's available, nothing's done. We're all struggling. We're all about to fail as businesses and everything else. And that's also a fear of failure. And now here we are. And all of a sudden we're looking super busy. We're looking slammed. And now I have a fear of failure of producing. And that is a huge issue. So here's the, here's the fears. COVID, COVID the fear, right? Everybody's scared of COVID some or most people, some people aren't, but COVID does scare. What happens if we're slammed and we're busy and somebody gets COVID, how do we deal with that? How do we execute the parties that we're executing right now in April? We're very busy. We have five, six, seven parties on a Saturday, four parties on our Friday, two parties on a Sunday. If we get COVID, how do we execute those things? And right now we have very little staff. Everybody has cut staff down. So we're at the bare minimum of staff, right? So that's, that's fearful. That's scary as. How do we do that? Um, we now are in conversations about what happens if somebody gets COVID, how do we deal with that? How do we eat corn team, the team, if we quarantine the team and we have very little team, how do we execute that? All the parties that we have to that's super scary. And how do we deal with that? The level of business coming is like a tsunami. It's a huge wave. And we have limited staff and limited things that we're doing. So how do we overcome that? And then how do we hire for that? So now we're hiring just like every person in the hospitality industry right now is hiring across the United States and across the world. We're all now hiring. Cause everybody's now gearing back up. We went down to a bare minimum and now we're gearing up. So we went from six employees and now we need 75 employees. How the are we supposed to do that and be successful? How are we supposed to do that? That's super scary to me. And it gives me a tremendous amount of fear. So I don't know how to do that. And then when we get them, let's say we do get them, which we're struggling. Even getting people. I mean up, especially in South Carolina, I've heard it from Georgia and Atlanta. They're struggling because most people went into HPAC or they went back to school or everything else. So we're missing a large portion of the hospitality industry. So how does that work? How do we train them? We can't afford to bring them in weeks and weeks ahead of time, train them and do everything else because we have no money. We're barely surviving. So now it becomes magic apron theory, right? You, you hire people, you give them a magic apron. They're immediately supposed to know exactly what they do and how they do it. And it performed to the best of their ability that that doesn't work. It's proven every time and restaurants, hotels everywhere. It doesn't, it doesn't work. You have to give people the ability to train, understand your system, know what's going on and all that type of stuff. And we don't, we don't have the money to do that. So that's super scary to me, right? And I'm looking at the projections coming up the end of this month, April, may, June. And I'm like, this is, this is a tsunami. That's going to kill hundreds of thousands of people. Like it's just not good. And we have to be prepared. How do we get prepared? How do we choose to spend our money to get prepared? How do we hire people? Who do we get? And right now it's, it's the buyer's market because people are out of jobs and we have to pay more than unemployment. We have to play, pay more than what they're doing and they're going to go through hell. So we, if, if you're going to go to hell, then you have to pay good because you could just sit at home, collect unemployment. You don't go through hell. So it's those types of things. And that's super scary to me right now. So it's about culture and what can we do for culture? So now I have to change the culture to make this the best job ever and super cool, super hip, best food, all of the things that you have to do to inspire people to more want to do this. And that's also hard. And it's also a source of contention with me because I don't want to fail at that. Again. Fear of failure team. I have a small core team. How do I protect them? What is my fear for them? I don't want them. These people have been with me and my company through the entire thing. They need to be rewarded. They're my superheroes. So they get precedence over everything. So I can't hire people above what they're getting paid because these have gone to the trenches with me and they deserve it. So that becomes an issue. And how do you maintain them and how do you protect them from COVID and how do you protect them for these things? Now, all of a sudden, South Carolina is open to do all kinds of parties. We're going to do parties to 300 people. And sometimes we're going to do an on the same night, five of those parties. I don't know if those people are COVID safe. Most of them aren't. So how do I protect my team? That's a fear. I'm fearful of that. I'm scared as about that. The other thing is executing above expectation. One of my pride things I've always done is I want to have a bride and groom have a corporate client. I don't care who it is. I'm going to talk to you about your party, do your party. And then the day of your party, my goal is to exceed your expectations. How am I going to do that? Now, when I have nobody working here and nobody doing what they need. Yeah. I just don't have the staff. I don't have the training. I don't have any of the tools that I need to have to build what I need to build. How am I going to do that? Okay. That's failure for me. So that's super scary. And I'm very scared about that. I don't want to be the person who's not good enough. I want to be the person who rises above that. And I try very hard. I work my off to do that. I plan for that and everything else, but it's crazy. I want respect. I want respect from my team. I'm respect for my business. I want respect from my clients, right? So fear of being not respected becomes a huge issue because if you're not respected, it's failure again, fear of failure. And that's super hard for me to deal with. Um, I went through a week last week. That was tremendously hard for me because we failed at a party and I haven't done this in a long time. And it wasn't very busy. I had my AA team on this I had, it was like the seal team. There is nothing that can happen at a party that this team can not overcome and do and exceed expectations only we didn't. And so in my anger and depression and fear of failure and everything else, I wanted to quit. I wanted to be like, this is. I'm done. But I didn't. It reminded me of a story when I was in 1989. So now you guys know how long I've been doing this when I was just at carbos in a restaurant in Atlanta. And I did a huge, huge dinner who was up, but at the time was 150 people. It was a shin dinner. It had tons, half the group was chefs, right? So you want to perform for these people that was back in the day when I was young and pissy. And like, I really like, I'm going to make a name for myself. I'm going to recreate what the culinary world is. I'm going to do all this great. Right? And I spent hours and days doing this, like literally three hours of sleep, back and forth to work three days in a row, doing all the things that you need to do have my best team on it. Put labor dollars against it and everything else. And we did. We want, I want us to do like a Pusan with a stuffing in it and doing all this crazy French. Cause that's what I thought would be cool back then. And back then, you have to remember in 1989, everything was put in a hotbox with caps on it, right? You, you guys know that, you know, all older chefs, they know this is plated put on a plate, put a metal cap on it, put it in a hot box, right? That's the way food used to be done. It's crap. We all know it's crap. So I refuse to do that for this party. I unplugged all the hot boxes. I would like, we're never capping anything. We're going to do it to order a blah, blah, blah. I set it up. I hired the staff, I got everything done. It was super planned out to the minute to the person, everything and the person pulling the poo songs out of that, which Tucsons are like small chickens. They pulled them out of the oven and we had it coordinated that we rotate in the oven. What's done first and what's done last. What? Like what, what PanIN went in first, what Pam went in last. And unfortunately the person that was doing that somehow mix that up. So the pan that went in first was still in there. And the pan that went in last was the first one polled. So as you can imagine, the first half of the party got raw chicken. The last thing you want to do with a group with chefs and everybody else in a fine dining dinner, that's five courses. And you're trying to make a name for you. Yourself is send out raw chicken, right? I don't care. You send out raw fish. Yeah. It's still, you know, questionable. If it's tuna, it's fine. If it's beef and it's rare and it's not medium, then okay. You can cook it back. Like the, all those are just like, ah, this kind of like a gray area, raw chickens, not a gray area, dude. It's raw chicken. No one wants chicken tar. That's why we don't do it. I was mortified. Servers were coming back, chickens, raw. I'm like, what the is going on? Then I realized they pulled it from the wrong oven at the time. Now we're pulling the right thing. So we're still sending plates out. But now I have to read it, cook chicken. I don't have the chicken to really cook. So I have to re cook each person's plate that didn't go well. And that turned into a giant cluster. of. And my reaction to that was does quit. Just quit, go away, leave right now and never come back to the food industry because my name's never going to have this. I'm done. You know, I'm never going to be the great. And back then there was no Anthony Bordain or Gordon Ramsey or food network. It was what I was trying to do. And it was a total. Then I had actual chefs come back from the table while they were eating and come back and say your chicken's raw. And this is what you should have done. They're all trying to help me. They're trying to inspire me. And at that time I looked like a dead man there. I'm not listening to any of that. Um, I, I look like I jumped into a pool filled with ice. I'm just no blood, no anything standing there frozen walking around like a zombie because at this point, my life's over. And so I did that somehow made it through that day and was mortified. And then the next day had to go back to work, listen to the owners of the restaurant, say, what the happened? What are you doing? I knew we shouldn't have hired you as the chef. I knew you were not good enough. I knew that eventually this was going to happen, blah, blah, blah, all that crap that they give you. And I took it. And I'm, you're right. Except for the fact that they said, we knew you. Weren't going to be good enough if you knew I wasn't going to be good enough. Why the did you hire me? Because you don't know either. And your fear is fear of failure. Your fear is, do I hire this guy? And if I hired this guy, are we going to be a failure, but we're going to hire him anyway. And then the minute the ship turns it's me. And it was me and I totally get it. It's my fault. I owned it. I understood it. But at that point, I said to myself, get your up off the ground. Reach out to those chefs that came and talked to you. Talk to them about what happened. Learn from their experience, learn from my experience and get your up off the ground and do better. And here's the deal never, ever, ever let that happen again. Swore to myself that will never happen again. Well, guess what happened again? It's happened five times and the last time it happened was 14 days ago. So it's still happens, right? These are mistakes. People make mistakes. And I'm not saying that that's the answer I'm saying, it's what happens, right? We're human. We make mistakes, but it still kills you to the core. And then it drives for me personally, it drives the fear spear and to my heart. And what that says is you're not good enough. You failed again. You did not do the things that you need to do and you can't go back and fix them. So now you have an option. What do you do? Do you run away? Do you quit? Do you do all this? I don't know. That's what I wanted to do. I mean, I met it head on when I was there, but now I'm like, I don't know if I, should I be doing this? I have no idea. So, you know, what I do is I confront fear and I try and deal with this whole thing. So I look up quotes and do some things like that. And I have two quotes. I want to give you tonight. And they're both quotes that are, um, pretty well-known and they're, you know, fear quotes. So the first one is fear, forget everything and run. And I love that because that's what I want to do. I wanted to forget everything and run. That's what fear means. Forget everything and run, that. Get away, Don finished, whatever it is. And so you look at that and you're like, ah, is that what I'm doing on my career? Is that what I'm going to do? This job, all those kinds of things, or is it forget everything and rise, rise to the challenge, rise above the mistake. Learn from the stake, be a better person, be a better chef, be a better father, be a better family member. That's what it is. So that's from Zig Ziglar and it was used in the movie, the joker, one of my favorites, the other one is the only thing you have to fear is fear itself, right? So everybody knows that quit too. So right. It's all about fear. And what's going on. If you're in a war, it's fear about dying. If you're in a business, it's fear about you're gonna fail at a business, whether that's financially, whether that's from an area of respect from a chef-driven area where it's like your food's not good. It's old and old school. And I deal with that now too, with not only me, but where I'm working. Um, there there's challenges too, to fear of not doing that. So it's crazy. So, so I am scared. Um, so now it comes down to how do I deal with this? How do you deal with fear, especially when your fear is failure? Right? So the first thing I do, this is me personally. The first thing I do is challenge. Fear. You challenge, fear. That's the way to get rid of fear. Yes. I'm scared of this. Yes. This could be bad. Yes. This is possibly the wrong move to in my life. I know it's the wrong move and I do a anyway. So it's challenging fear and you're going to be okay. And that's what I say. You're going to be okay now you may not be better off. You may have a different job. This why I left Atlanta. That's why I moved to Charleston. You know, I, I left and you know, I, I left a frying pan and jumped into the fire here. So it's fear. That's what it is, but it's okay. That's what it, that's how it works. Um, what you have to do to combat that prepare for it, prepare for fear, keep yourself stable, understand that you have a job to do understand that you're good at other things, prepare for the busy season. Prepare for COVID. Even though we all couldn't, but we pivoted and that's preparing, this is the situation. This is what's coming up. How are we going to survive? Here's how we're going to survive. Let's try these things. Let's do these things. I know we didn't do them in the past. I know they're different. I know that's not what we normally do, but we have to do it. We have to challenge herself and it could, we fail at it. You God right. We could. But we didn't. And that's the, when we didn't, we challenged ourselves. We did things. We did the things that we needed to do. And we succeeded. That is not failure, but that's challenging fear. And that's preparing for fear after preparing for it. Here's the other thing you need to watch and listen, fear is based on not knowing what's going on, right? It's the unknown. That's where it was. That fear is the unknown, all that. But here's the thing. If you watch and you listen and really watch and really listen, listen to your team, watch what your team does. Watch the sales team, watch the community, watch that atmosphere, uh, the surroundings around you. And if you pay attention, if it's like being in nature, if you go kayaking and just sit in your kayak and you listen to nature, it's watching and listening. If you do that, you will be prepared to overcome fear. It's super important communication. That's another one, always communicate. I'm fearful of this. This scares me. I need help with this. I'm scared that we may not be able to accomplish this. How do we move forward? That's communication do not be the person that thinks you're the. And you never tell anybody, tell everybody all the time. I'm scared that this may not work. I'm scared that we can not accomplish the goals that we have set. I'm scared that we're not going to be able to execute the seven parties coming up. I'm scared of that. I'm letting everybody know I need help. We need help. How do we do this? That's huge. You have to fight the battles. Now, if you say those things and communicate those things, then everybody can be on your team. We can fight the battles now so that when we get to that bad time, we have a plan. We know what's going on. Everybody knows that it's all in. Like that's part of it. So you got to fight those battles. You got to do those things. And that's where it gets crazy. The last thing is you have to accept failure, okay? We all fail. And honestly, failure is a great thing. And being afraid of having the most thing you're scared are scared of is failure is probably the most motivating thing. That's why I say you got to hug your failure sometimes because that's how you learn. That's the pain. That's the anxiety. That's the depression. That's all of that. All of that is pain from failure or how you feel. You look at yourself, but it's not always like that to other people. So get the up and make sure that you're doing the things that you need to do and move past the, hugged, the failure and move on. And that's the way it works. And I'm gonna tell you the last story about failure. That really changed my life. And there's, there's been a lot of instances, but this one is very specific to me when I was very young. My first culinary, probably my third Conor job, my first one as an executive chef, when you're young and you're 24, 25, and you think you are the and you're listening, you're reading art culinary. And you're you're. This is even before TV and everybody's on food network and all the different things that are doing you. You are striving to be the best culinary person you can be. And in your head, you're like, I'm going to be the. And so when that happens, your ego takes over and you treat people like crap sometimes because that's the kitchen mentality. And it definitely was way back when now it's not so much that way. But back then, if you couldn't hang, you couldn't do what you were doing. Then you got pounded, right? Everybody jumped on you. They jumped on you like hyenas to a dead animal. It was, it was crazy. And that's, but that's just the norm. So I had my first executive chef job. I've been doing pretty good. I had some studs online. You know, guys and girls are doing great. Pastry chef. She was wicked good. Like it was all this. And I hired an older guy. Uh, we needed a position filled. He did. Okay. He was okay. He was slow. He had years of experience, but he was slow. It was different, different style from what I was doing, we were fine dining. He didn't come from that field. And he got murdered. He literally got killed by my guys. I had 20 year olds and 24 year olds. It was right around that age. And they ran circles around this. Right. They totally did. He wasn't great. And this is the, this is the thing in most restaurants, like if you're slow and you can't catch on and you're not really good at what you're doing, they attack you. And then they fire you. Right? There's no training. There's no like, Hey, what are you good at? Let me find, let me find what you're good at. And, uh, accentuate the good and decelerate, the bad that didn't happen. I didn't even know that back then. So we're in the middle of a Saturday night. It's crazy as. He's way behind. Now. I got to move people because I'm the exec chef. I'm moving people to help him on the line. I'm like, stop what you're doing. Go help this get out of the weeds because that's what happens. And halfway through that, he took off his apron and said, you, I'm outta here. And he walked out, walked out of the line and the middle of the. All right, everybody's in the restaurant. Business has experienced that everybody in the catering world has experienced that. Right? And the first thing you do is like that. Guy's a piece of. Terrible. Shouldn't have been bad hire. I did a bad job. Hiring should have had a line cook should have had this, whatever it is, he sucks. Nobody walks out on their shift. That's you know, if you do that, you're a lame, take all the abuse and deal with it, all that crap. And so we managed to get through the night we're at the night, we're at the end of the night, cleaning up, we have a beer and everybody's talking about this. Guy's a piece of, terrible, blah, blah, blah, all this crap. Then we leave. I go out to my car on my car. Windshield is a letter from him. And the letter reads, I have never worked in a place that's this abusive. I have never worked in a place that doesn't give somebody a chance. I have never worked in a place that has been so badly managed. I have never worked in a place that has treated people like this. You will never ever make it as a chef. You will never ever make it in this industry. You will never ever be somebody. And I have that letter to this day from 19 89. And I read it all the time because he's absolutely right. He said the things that I needed to hear, I did not help him. I did not coach him. I did not train him. I did not do the things I need to do to make sure that he was successful and our team. And to this day, it haunts me. And to this day is why I challenge every single employee that I have to be the best that they can be. And I work around their faults and I work around their anger and I work around their attitudes and I work around all that to put them in the best position they can be to be the best person they can be for the team. And some people say, you should just fire them or you should get rid of them. And that's not the answer. And I learned it from this letter on my car, underneath my windshield wiper. That's the difference. That's failure. That's what true failure is. And that's what I learned that day. My fear of failure is real because of that. I never ever want that to happen again. I don't want to serve raw chicken. I don't wanna serve raw fish. I don't want to serve raw anything. I want to make your experience the best it could possibly be every single time that I do my job, but that's not reality. happens. People make mistakes. The difference is how do you deal with them? How do you make those changes? How do you make somebody better than who they are? How do you make me better than who I am? That's how you do it. You listen, you read, you keep those letters. You understand the dinners that you serve, raw chicken. And you say, I'm going to learn from this. I'm going to get my back up off the floor. I'm going to make somebody in myself and I'm never going to let this happen again. And that's how I choose to do it. So that's my story and how I get through these things. And it's hard. I don't want to read that letter and I haven't read it in a couple of years, but because of the incident this week and in my failure this week, I read that letter again. I will never amount to anything. I will never be a good chef. These are the words that were said to me, and that is failure. And so I decide to rise against that and say, because of your letter, I am going to be somebody good. I am going to be a good chef. I am going to be a good business owner. I am going to make it through COVID. I'm going to make it in this catering world. When April comes and we have 14 parties on a Saturday and we have no employees, we're going to make it happen. You know why? Because that's who I am. And that's what I do. So the answer to this is not the quotes, right? They're not the quotes. The only thing you had to fear is fear itself. What the does that mean? It doesn't mean. It just means that your fear of something fearful when I'm fearful of is I don't want to know the letter on my windshield. That's real. That's a real quote. The answer to fear is giving the best at, at the time that you have letting it stand for who you are while accepting fault, you have to accept fault and you have to understand them and you have to work with them and you have to grow from them, right? That's the whole thing grow from those things. Use that experience so that you can take on the next failure because you're going to have them all the time. Every day is a failure and every day is a success. So that's how you deal with fear of failure. Jump off the cliff, get to your car and not have a letter on it. Understand that there's people at work that may not be the best, but they're still a valuable part of the community. I have somebody right now that works for me, that people at all the time, he's a valuable part of our community. And they don't understand. And they're going to, they're the letter writers. They're the people who are going to do that. And I'm going to write a letter and put it on their car. So they understand where they stand compared to the other person. You may be better than them at cooking. You may be better than at working, but that's not. What makes you the best? What makes you the best is not failing at that and helping that other person. That's the difference. I work with John Zucker, who has failed a lot of things all his life. And he overcomes them every time. He has a 25 year business. He owns two restaurants and a, super successful catering company. I know Ryan Whitten. I know. Well, Adam, I have a guy named hot sauce. That's the. And he has failed at a ton of crap, but he's, he gets the up and does what he needs to do. And he's successful. I have Andrea, I have Chris Reinhardt. I have me, I have pretty much everything. I have Steve Boyer who is leaving us as executive chef to pursue something else. And let me tell you that scared as. Cause he's making a huge change and taking a huge gamble to do what he wants to do to make him happy. And I support it a hundred percent. And that's what we're doing. That makes the difference. That's the letter on the windshield, do what you need to do. How can I help you? Don't be angry. Don't be upset. Don't be better. Don't talk bad about other people make them successful. That's the difference. And that's what beat fear beating fear is confidence, communication, all the things I just talked about. So am I scared about what's coming up? You're right. I am. COVID killed our staffs. And this is for every caterer across the country. Everybody's limited staff. Now, all of a sudden the gonna hit the fan and nobody has anybody and they're not trained. And we have to perform above expectation and that's scary and it scares me, but that's what we have to do. And we will overcome that with planning and all the things that we've talked about, but it's hard. It's hard. So this episode is not about a rant. It's not about the catering industry. It's really not about anything other than my personal fear and how I've overcome that and how I'm still scared and fearful and how I failed. Like literally 14 days ago I had an Epic failure and that does not who I am. And it's shaking me to my core. And I have to go back and do these things and look at these things. And I have to do this podcast tonight because that's how I know I have to be successful in doing this and I'm not going to give up and I'm gonna learn from this and it won't happen there again. So that's how it's gonna work. And it is what it is. So again, you can forget about it and run away or you can about it and rise up. It's really up to you. And I want you to rise. I want everybody that I know to rise and do the best they can be because we only have one life and what we have to do. Don't, don't be scared of failure. Don't be scared of anything. So that's my story for tonight. Very impactful to me, it has changed who I am and what I do and how I interact with other people and how I try to do the best job I can. I just try to do the best I can and that's what you have to do. And I want you guys to stay safe. I want you to be understanding, I also want, I want you guys to listen to this and if you know anybody who actually wants to work in Charleston and would like to pick up some shifts, I would love to have them. So this is a plug on staffing. So please, please anyone, anyone who wants to come out and I'll I'll schedule you. Um, so I want to do that too, but at the same time, always keep your passion high. Always keep your head above water, understand that you're going to fail, but understand also with failure comes success and always, always

Speaker 1:

Keep your boots on the ground. That's what I keep good track.[inaudible].